Lina Valery's Post:
When I got married, 10 years ago, it was mandatory to complete a week long course that would prepare us for what becoming a spouse truly meant. Unrealistically, we were forced to do a lot of letter writing, journaling, talking, and this was all while secluded from the burdens and pressures of daily living. In essence this was nothing like what marriage was truly about. The course was over, the letters forgotten, but one thing I learned that week has held its value to this day. One of the instructors had told us to remember that we could never change our spouses; if we wanted change, the only one we could control was ourselves. Therefore if there was something I didn’t like, I couldn’t just complain about it, but rather changing my perception would alter my realty.
This concept transcends into all of life. Many times I find myself complaining about a situation. Yet, a solution is not in the same sentence. Seeing what is wrong with the system, our government, a boss, my children, and co-workers is easy. To look for a solution within myself is much harder. The idea of analyzing each relationship and situation with the rule of contribution in mind is much like this concept. In marriage this means looking at myself as part of team and not as a competitor, with my children it means taking the time to see things from their level, in teaching it means learning the students language instead of demanding they speak mine, at work it means seeing the positive aspects of another’s work and finding a way to merge our strengths instead of focusing our incompatibilities.
Seeing ourselves as a contribution alters the dynamic of every relationship and in turn, as Benjamin Zander states in The Art of Possibility, will have a rippling effect. It is definitely much more work to live life with the rule of contribution, but there is no doubt the results will ultimately change our perception of others and the world we live in.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
2 Comments
joe bustillos
thanks for sharing... amazing what we retain and learn despite lessons that turn out to not be true.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 - 08:19 PM
Mel Rainey
I find more value in what is true in myself and what I can create in this world. Finding that balance to resolve my calculating self, is difficult to do when so much of my present world is filled with those who calculate and scheme to achieve success. Sometimes I go to the woods nearest me on days when I need to get away. Nature has always brought my focus back and to relax my mind.
Contribution is a big part of our lives!! I always think to myself of a saying,"what do you want your legacy to be?" I heard this in Ironman 2, this past Monday. Which as a sidebar I find a great deal of meaning and depth in comics. Way to much mythology for me to track, right now. Anyways, I want to go out with my boots on. I am A YES MAN!!! I am with you Lina, Peace!!
Sunday, May 16, 2010 - 08:39 PM
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